I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
