I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I need moral support for this bender
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
