i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
