Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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