He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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