So drunk, too bad you don't want this
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
