i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
