I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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