i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
