Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
