these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Randomize
