I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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