dude i'm inner monologue high
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Randomize
