Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
