Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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