I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
