I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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