She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Randomize
