I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
