Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
