Umm I'm too high to move.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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