so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
