why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Randomize
