I must be too annoying 4 u.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
