FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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