the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
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