Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
