Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
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