I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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