I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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