I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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