I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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