My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
