I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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