i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
