playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
