OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Randomize
