I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
