yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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