I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
