You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I want a musical about memes.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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