Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
it was like eating out sand paper
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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