if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
It's never too late to be topless.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
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