you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
