just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
