how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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