dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
