No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
