apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Randomize
