I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
