I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
