OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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