you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
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