Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Randomize
