just survived the first fart of the relationship.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
