I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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