And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
