Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
